Welcome to my blog. I change names to protect the uninformed. It's just not nice to talk about people with their real names when they don't know about it.

I write freely whatever I am thinking about on here. As such, it may be triggering for those with issues similar to my own. So please read with caution.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Trying the whole secret blog thing

So I need an outlet, and I thought I'd try the whole secret blog thing.

A little background on me.  I'm 35 and single.  I live in east TN near the Smoky Mountain National Park and Dollywood.

I was raped when 11-12, actually he raped me 3 times.  I say 11-12 because I am not sure of the exact age.  I blocked it out for ~15 years.  When it happened, I knew my mom couldn't deal with it so I didn't tell her.  And eventually I just didn't even tell myself it happened.

My parents live with me.  They live with me, not the other way around.  An important distinction, to me at least anyway.  They moved in with me about 4 years ago.  For awhile they worked, but the recession hit any they lost their jobs.  For awhile they looked for jobs.  But it didn't work and actually at this point I'm don't think either of them are capable of holding down a job.  Mom has physical issues: back pain, hand pain, hip pain, knee pain.... I could keep going but those are the major things.  Dad has physical stuff too but he doesn't talk about it.  His main problem is mental.  He just is going downhill fast.  We can't get a diagnosis because he won't go to the doctor.

So enough background, although in someways what I feel I just really must write about is still just history.  After the memories of the rape started coming back, I was diagnosed with PTSD.  So I totally know what flashbacks are and they suck way worse than just the intrusive memories that are a problem today.  I just can't get it out of my head today.  It's been quite awhile since it's been a problem like this.

Okay well this is a depressing blog post at this point and who wants that.  Not me, I much prefer fun.  I just can't think of anything fun to write at this point though.  Oh well, this too shall pass.

1 comment:

  1. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the blogasphere.

    Get it out, don't worry that it is depressing.

    You are amazing.

    Keep it coming.

    You will find support here.